26 August 2008

No more pretending

The clock read 8:29 when I walked back into the house.

Levi was tired and Libby wanted to play her new game. I sang to Levi, a song I've sang to each of my children when they were babies, right before laying them down. I couldn't help but think it seemed only a moment ago when I was singing that song to my first baby. I closed my eyes and he felt like her.

The tears came then. I started to tear up when we said goodbye, but held it together. I started to tear up on the walk home, but held it together. I started to tear up at "Meet the Teacher" night, but got it together. I couldn't stay together any longer.

I'm better, for now. Libby wants me to dance with her and I suddenly have all my attention to give to her. So, while Levi sleeps, we are gonna dance and I'll try not to think about the countless times I was the Prince while Addi was the Princess.

The day I've been dreading is here. There'll be no more pretending that my baby's a baby anymore.

Yesterday, Last Night, and Today